its been a while, a long while indeed

I lie alone under the unforgiving rain
Reminiscing not about the past I spent
That moment froze
In time;
in a lifetime

The crossroads seems so near again
Yet all I see is your beautiful face under the moonlight
Love like never before
But its all fading away now

You told me once the sand slips from your hands
It can never be found again
‘cause the belonged to the ground now
And the long gone is only for remembrance

Oh, how saddening and beautiful you sound
But you know not my dear
My once loved
That you are the only reason I still wake up
In the morning.
NOTE: its been a while, a long while indeed

how could i romanticism around without you

I hate arriving at that place where there is not trace of you. Last few days I searched impatiently. I stared the entire place for your existence, just for a one glance, one glimpse that alleviates my soul but alas there is nothing valid.It’s always me, who wander all around for yr smell and scent in the air damn hopelessly. I am now hopelessly romantic. Played romanticism around. The sun is rising in the east every morning after morning sometime rain will be clouds the blue sky but end of the he goes to his final destination to radiance up other parts of this planet.But sadly u never did wake up to glowing my world. Sometimes you and this faded hills of distances horrify me.

Death, the one appointment we all must keep, and for which no time is Set

I have been writing since my preppie days or I shall write till eternity. Will I starts scripting my daily journals through out the days just to see myself written on the wall. Alas I don’t want to be just another brick of the wall or I don’t follow the rat race. But I complain myself as angel complains thee. The walled life of me inside burning and scorch down to ashes. All my responsibilities and tragedies were torturing me; I felt I have had a numb paralyzed soul inside my body. In the end of the day, there’s I am the only one who suffered and infested.These days, I would like to stoned myself. The pain relief me like no-one else. The soothing effects of pain got me; see me with my own eyes. The feelings of self immolate pains gives me the power to re-invent the inner humane side of me. I found solitude that cured me like no-one.
I wish, if I could programmed myself to do the MY things. This is the freakiest dream I had ever dreamed and dreamed about it all the times. I just want to break free from this so called monotonous world where I can’t find place for solitude. Otherwise the poisonous fungus that grows in front of us before we realize we become his prey. But definitely, wait and watch I will have my romance with life before romance becomes revenge.Life is damn mechanic and programmed to do certain things only. The limitations are very high and expectation killed the rule of existence. Where an existence seems suffering and dissolves in loneliness. Hope and dreams are dried up like desert water and dead like a homeless hungry streets dogs. The nomadic, antisocial inside me crawl like gasoline infested SUV on the rubber smelling highways of life. The haze that surround me like a deadly fungus and makes me swimming in the gravity less capsule where I don’t even find out up and bottoms. In the deep hurts of foggy environment I often lost my way back home. The ghost of navigator is drunk and out with it self confessed with egoistic head.
Could you love me, for me?Who makes mistakes?Could you love me, for me?Who keeps broken promises?Could you love me, for me?Who always led you cry?
Did I quite

THOUGHTS RIPPLE

HERATBREAK-

the diseaseThe close world of love-so rich a world, so awesome it almost fails comprehension and denies description. How can I or anyone make words or construct sentences to describe this?Words are symbols, codes, shapes on paper. They can not convey the heart break in the heart of things. They can not show what pure unselfish love is; they can only take uncommon qualities and make them earthbound common by their sentimentality and sometimes weepiness…

PATIENT

You’re probably surprise, my patient dear,That I should speak to calmly about the broken relationship/death and disappearance of the people I loved most. What can you do?A lot of water has passed under the bridge; time dulls the pain, dries the tears and gives the memory long-awaited oblivion. Time is a great healer. If it hadn’t been so. Half of humanity would go mad.

WIND

Do me a favor wind

Fly across the sea to island of Northeast

Look for my beloved there.

But don’t slam the shutters on her bedroom

Wonder or you’ll awaken her

Make her cool and if there is a tears on her check,

Dry off the salty drop;

And when my beloved wakes up at dawn and begin braiding her silky auburn hair.

Whisper to her;Don’t lose hope

He is on his way,

The mountain will open before him;

The sea will open before him.

Wait for him.Do me a favor wind

Fly across the sea to island of Northeast

**************************************

REVENGE

You make me feel absolutely MURDEROUS towards you- I suppose it has never entered your damned empty head that I’m counting the days till you come back???You make the mistake of your life if you think that ‘having striven’ I’m giving up the strife- I am not and I am damned if I ever will. I’ll battle as long as I have got breath left in my body-I don’t care if you think it futile.You wait and see-it may take years, but you wait and see-IF I can’t have you; I will have my REVENGE.

EXPECTATIONS

In this small span of life I got everything from you, except everything that I don’t. Maybe this the final countdown to escape. I must escape from you only. Coz I cant face you and yr land. It’s stared my soul as you stared me like an alien animal. This feeling of been execution and self immolation really gonna strike the hell out of me like a volcanic lava that only devastated. I can’t stand anymore. Times were so emotional enough to makes me cry but crying is not the solution after all everybody played their dirty game with me. Now I’m really so nerve and broken. Every step I take or everywhere I see I saw only big insecurities. Maybe I don’t have the strength or courage to take things correctly. The dorrage of my dreams were misplaced. It may be the brilliant signal to wake up my good sense or did I give up this easily…did I???

DISTANCES

You are closest to heaven while I belong to plain and I daily see pain, sorrows and high expectation with broken promises. They sting and hunt me all the times together with darkness. The sympathetic hills are all around me. I’m tired of being stared naked by the people who always differentiate humane by color and race. I knew, you know that we are compassionate people around this imperfect world of faces that tell you who you are, where u from? But somewhere in the U turn I thought there’s something wrong the way we live? Its kinda seems looking for some place where people live without borders, color and races. It may sound that somewhere I belong to……the place where I can draw my Mona Lisa who is always smiling upon you and me - Smile of belongingness, happy faces all around us.

Scene from memory

Whenever I just going mugging, mugging down around-I saw there is so many people trying to fake thyself। (We are infested and infesting others like a worm) We are living in the look at ME world। We all are connected by virtually। We do not even know where we met each other in the virtual U-turns with that fake identity. We often chase our own identity by creating so called cool profiles. The ways we make them cool by modify our own view of life. In search of likeminded soul, we somehow lost our own religion, faith and our self-confidence. We keep that route to impress others for what mean. If we do not trust ourselves first than how could we gain trust to others. No matter how hard we try, we are always there as original self. That is why: at the end day, we looked so tired, weird and cursed ourselves sadly. The basic need is to celebrate moments with company that keeps you alive and worthwhile. We are all humane by birth, compassionate enough to share feelings, love, happiness and of course pains. We feel so light when there is someone waiting to heard out and gave shoulders to lean on. Imagine how light;
No matter how hard you try, you cannot escape or fake yourself coz you are what you are; we all are reflective to each other’s; yr eyes never lied to you; you know and I knew that seen is believing. Sometimes its takes time (sometimes centuries passed and u still wonder whoz that) to see the real you but trust me it was not that hard to find out what inside. (The sooner is better for you)Believe me you that finding thyself is the hardest part of our life. So many People (poor or lost soul and the terminal fuck ups) died without knowing what killed them; so sad Nah. That is why at least we should try to meet ourselves once. Just try people; its cost you nothing. (It’s like a season offering; buy one get one free)People always enjoyed and playing monogamous games toward each other’s. We well enjoyed being a part of it that is why we sow so many wars upon us. Game played and enjoyed; so many tower destroyed, evaded but still you, I wondering around.So take light and embraced what you are coz you are your own GOD. Pat yourself for good thing you have been done and share everything that you have earned.Life is not that easy to modify or express or write down coz how anybody does or I define it by words. Words are shapeless; ugly figure that playing on papers. How could you and I construct a sentences to describe it. Its makes me so earthbound and weepiness.Lets not the alien politics of humanization, hate grow over us; we do not let anybody to suffer. Just spread love and smile all over this small but huge beautiful planet. Live as you never live anymore. Every moment is GOD gift to us. Let us makes that moments worth full. Someday we tell our children what we have done to this planet. PEACE OUT.

RUST

The smell of your skin

Stare me like a mad holy cow

Who blew my tiny broken hut?

Passion and sin stung me like a honeybee

The sweet sparkling light of love struggle

Beast embraced with beast

Mixed blood and sweats

Shut down all the doors

Punished all the purest heart

Let them die

Let pain raining like a toxic waste

Burn that green blooming leafs

Let the Garden of Eden glow brighter

Like a august sky

Now

The selfish coward’s game is over

Python of desired is satisfied.

And a child is born.

I open the rusted broken doors

An ill infested darkness covered my soul

I felt infested, seductive and hypnotized

A dry but heavy drop violence erupting like a long dead volcano

The lava violently burst upon my side

Scorpions of darkness stung my soul

Half conscious, skeleton crackling cold terrorize winds

Sharpened the edge of stubborn spirits

And I followed the shadow of omen

He promises me to catch the flying horses of time

As a satiated hungry man

I searched for the apple

And I violet the line of fire

THE SUN IS NOT AWARE OF SCARS

MIND OF MAD MAN
(I am threatened by ridicule, I am overly conscious of the sincerity in my voice, I like to have sex with people)It’s a monsoon hugging midnight after Wednessday the june first 2009, the rain simply showering through all the days as well as till now. I am sure rain will escort me with my broken dreams but I knew I never quit dreaming whether I will be right or death. Dreaming boost my inner energy to sit down and wear a brand new day everyday. As a born sadist I always convince myself whatever I go or do I will right there to catch all the tears and fighting with brave hearted with the situation come towards me. Sometimes reality bites me and left me wounded. Sometimes I felt lonely in the crowded room. There is time in our life; we all want to be alone for a while. This is a conviction or truth that u cannot hide from thyself. People are amusing all around you, singing, dancing, over crowded with there angry or sweet voices but in the middle u found yourself numb, dumb, and listless then listless again. There is no voices can reach you where you have been at that moment. All those moments you carry with yourself and all those years lost there meaning for a while.My mind boiling and torched me by questions that I only wonder and lost. Is this what I am for? What I am doing over here…..and then you will feel lonely and lost.When the answer will strike you, you will soon find your way back home and died peacefully…lolSometimes, I fake myself just to adjust with the environment. (Collecting Environmental rewards…lolz) This is the cheapest way to raise some unwanted rewards.The bruise emotions, unwanted tears and all that pain of suffering gives me great relief, soothing effects and heal me like no one than quickly I stand up and keep walking, breathing, singing like a free bird. Hey look at me I am still alive. Lucky to be alive and young in this alien city. Life- count not by years but the moments you live with fullest.I was thinking about myself so lately as I realize there is a vivid but visible dull, times I had been living with till date. It is like pendulum that hanging in the vacuum that eagerly wants strike the extreme side of the both end. I am still working hard to get there but I cant get enough . Life is nothing but seen as how you want it to be. Sometimes the wanting is silently killing all dreams and we weep gently. Live in the deep hallucination that only show me negative drip and blowing fuse.I hate those entire sympathetic hills that all around me. People stared me like an alien animals. Is that fair, People should mind their own business. Why the tried to sneaking or peeking others life without a valid permission. Anyways let them stare at me….me either don’t give a damn thing to them. Live and let live…lolI want to buy a situationTHE CALLINGKilling is my business. Don’t you scare of me? All these years I keep fighting with myself: I killed me. Honestly I liked to kill myself someday. I want to feel the pain bit by bit damn slowly.So don’t say YOU SING ALL SUMMER Now dance.If the memories are not faded with times then half of this humane died with madness. Time is great and genuine healer.Nobody forgets there First love, first kiss, first bike, etc... Everything’s that first ever experience in lifetime. The times grow with us, we become old, we may be forgetting all of them accept the very first thing i.e. fallen in love for the first time. No matter how we try we never get rid with our first love. It’s like a poisonous fungus that grows day after days and left us somewhere wounded and in deep pain we cry alone.We must cherish the pain; I should say we all celebrate it with others. Then there will no war at all.DAMN why don’t I never forget about her…how come I only suffer when all birds are singing and dancing all the ways down. Why I would like to there for her always.I know I am cheating someone for my first love. I sincerely admitted that to her but it is not working towards her. I wonder why she keep loving me after all that confession.Did I quit…..Today again the alcohol touch me stomach and make me sober.LET THE PEACE OUT